Reading, part 1

First of all, my last post might have been a LITTLE too much information for some people. So, I password protected it. If you want to read it, just ask me.

Moving on.

I have these vivid memories of myself as this horribly awkward kid with huge unfortunate glasses who walked around with a book and notebook in hand at ALL times, either reading furiously to finish (so I could start another one), writing really weird notes about people, or creating stories that typically ended with a violent death of somebody. Bobby was very disturbed when I read him my stories and “plays”. I’ve had a way overactive imagination since I was little, and had to have someway to filter it. Reading was one of those ways for me to forget I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything with adult supervision.

Obviously I LOVE Shauna Niequist and draw a lot of encouragement from her story. I enjoyed reading what she read-¬†http://www.shaunaniequist.com/ – on some of her posts. I spent 20 minutes at the library today looking for the books she recommended and left with Curtis Sittenfeld’s American Wife, so we’ll see how that one goes.

Here’s my short list. Favorite Books as of recent…

1) The Help by Kathryn Stockett
by far one of THE BEST books I’ve ever read. I want to erase my memory and start over. It opened my eyes immensely to the Civil Rights struggles…historical fiction will always be my favorite.

2) Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist
Life is good, life is hard. Just read it, but only after reading Cold Tangerines!

3) Her Mother’s Hope by Francine Rivers
the newest series by Rivers- I can never get enough of her books. I loved following the characters across the world into eye-opening, self-discovering types of relationships. The end left me hanging and for some reason the library does not have the sequel.

4) Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
not so much a “how-to-marriage” book, but more of how marriage is designed to make you holy. I knew I wanted to marry Bobby, but was NOwhere near being ready for marriage. I read this book in a few days, bought another one for Bobby and told him he couldn’t propose until he read this.

5) Outcast United by Warren St. John
I actually read this over a year and a half ago, but it stuck with me. My friend Greg gave it to me for my birthday, and it is the book that made me want to be a teacher, specifically ESL. It gives a lot of background on what refugees from around the world went through and how they came here. I owe a lot to this book..and Greg.

Just a top 5 today, that’s all I have time for.

It started with the kitchen…

I’m a horrible blogger. Let’s start with that. This is my 5th blog attempt- within 6 years though. I began with xanga, moved to blogspot, over to wordpress, back to blogspot, back to wordpress. Good freakin’ grief. I couldn’t commit. This time, here we go.

My precious fiance bought a house in the beginning of 2010. He let me be in the house hunting process, and when my eyes lit up at the size of the kitchen for one house, we knew. The area we live in is not known for large houses, but rather older, smaller, quaint houses in a cute neighborhood where a lot of younger people/families live. It’s the blessed area of “East Memphis”, where both my parents grew up. You might call us snobs, but we do think it’s great (but let’s not get into my not-so-secret longing for a vintage Midtown porch. I’m more than thrilled with my East Memphis ranch!) Anyway, the kitchen is/was painted in a glossy-and-I-mean-GLOSSY yellow color. It matches the flourescent lighting. Two things that will be changed, that Bobby is more than happy to let me do. (He’s so sweet). I’ve spent months upon months searching for the perfect paint color for the kitchen. I told Bobby it’s my only prerequisite for moving in after the wedding.

No.Luck.

It’s a long story, but this past Thursday I found myself crying on Bobby’s couch while the kitchen walls had 4 streaks of horrid color. I felt like a failure- my lack of finding the perfect paint color stood for every decision I couldn’t make, and the gray, brown, yellow, and bright blue splotches mocked me. Everything seemed wrong in the world, and that little lie that appears out of nowhere kept whispering “you will never get it.” I hate that lie. It attacks on days when I need it the least, and crushes my spirit. It takes a lot for me to try things I’m not sure if I will be good at, and when I make a mistake I want to hide it. It takes a lot out of me, and its harder for me to get back up and try again. (I mean…soccer, color guard, multiple instruments in the band, handbell choir, softball- just to name a few).

I’m an emotional wreck, a volatile wave that overwhelms all that is around. Yet I am encouraged, because the Lord teaches and whispers in my other ear saying “I love you, I made you in my image, you are good.”

Don’t worry, 2 precious men at Ace Hardware after 4 trips found me the perfect paint and gave me a nice discount.

Happy reading blogger world.