I’m a horrible blogger. Let’s start with that. This is my 5th blog attempt- within 6 years though. I began with xanga, moved to blogspot, over to wordpress, back to blogspot, back to wordpress. Good freakin’ grief. I couldn’t commit. This time, here we go.
My precious fiance bought a house in the beginning of 2010. He let me be in the house hunting process, and when my eyes lit up at the size of the kitchen for one house, we knew. The area we live in is not known for large houses, but rather older, smaller, quaint houses in a cute neighborhood where a lot of younger people/families live. It’s the blessed area of “East Memphis”, where both my parents grew up. You might call us snobs, but we do think it’s great (but let’s not get into my not-so-secret longing for a vintage Midtown porch. I’m more than thrilled with my East Memphis ranch!) Anyway, the kitchen is/was painted in a glossy-and-I-mean-GLOSSY yellow color. It matches the flourescent lighting. Two things that will be changed, that Bobby is more than happy to let me do. (He’s so sweet). I’ve spent months upon months searching for the perfect paint color for the kitchen. I told Bobby it’s my only prerequisite for moving in after the wedding.
It’s a long story, but this past Thursday I found myself crying on Bobby’s couch while the kitchen walls had 4 streaks of horrid color. I felt like a failure- my lack of finding the perfect paint color stood for every decision I couldn’t make, and the gray, brown, yellow, and bright blue splotches mocked me. Everything seemed wrong in the world, and that little lie that appears out of nowhere kept whispering “you will never get it.” I hate that lie. It attacks on days when I need it the least, and crushes my spirit. It takes a lot for me to try things I’m not sure if I will be good at, and when I make a mistake I want to hide it. It takes a lot out of me, and its harder for me to get back up and try again. (I mean…soccer, color guard, multiple instruments in the band, handbell choir, softball- just to name a few).
I’m an emotional wreck, a volatile wave that overwhelms all that is around. Yet I am encouraged, because the Lord teaches and whispers in my other ear saying “I love you, I made you in my image, you are good.”
Don’t worry, 2 precious men at Ace Hardware after 4 trips found me the perfect paint and gave me a nice discount.
Happy reading blogger world.