Saturday night I had one of those conversations with a friend that gave me fresh perspective and peace. Meredith Pace is known for that, and this conversation was no exception. She has walked with me through some hard decisions the past 3 years and has been patient and encouraging. Mere sees how hard I am on myself and offers me grace. It’s clear that for years I have been trying to find my identity through what I do. In college, I had so many identities that I could easily just cling to the various titles I carried. She gave me a word that I’ve been processing the past few days. Mere pointed out the different things a job could be to people, whether something you do to pay the bills, something you do to create a career out of, or it’s because it’s your calling. Our callings are through the unique gifts God has given us, and if we are living through those, we are obedient and can rest in that. Of course, Mere explained it much better and there was a lot more to this conversation. I have been reflecting and asking God what my calling is, and how to live it out joyfully and willingly. Even if I am still a babysitter and don’t have a 401k, I can still be walking in obedience and living out my calling. I am called to joy, to love, to serve, to teach, to learn- and these can be played out while keeping a sweet 2 year old boy, cleaning my house, being with friends, playing with my nieces, talking to my parents, being in graduate school, etc.
And on that note, one thing I have learned this summer is being a wife is a worthy calling. I’ve realized it’s okay to say no to things because sometimes I really do want to cook dinner for Bobby. I’ve learned I don’t have to keep making plans and filling in the holes of my schedule with dinners or lunches or coffees like I used to, that I find just as much joy goofing off with him doing random things. I find so much grace and freedom in that Bobby and I have never put pressure on each other to be a certain way. I don’t expect him to take out the trash because he is the husband- he just does it. He doesn’t expect me to cook every night or always empty the dishwasher. And we don’t put expectations on each other like planning prayer times or Bible studies or stereotypical spiritual couple activities. Since the pressure isn’t there, it’s so easy to sit in bed and pray, listen to Matt Chandler sermons during dinner because we want to, and share our hearts when we want to. People said marriage would be this way, but since I’m stubborn and get annoyed when people tell me what to expect, I just kind of ignored it. I’ve learned so much about Bobby, this amazing man and giving husband, that it’s not drudgery to “serve” or “submit” or do any of those words I got annoyed at before. Honestly, sometimes I’m not in love with the idea of marriage. It goes against my pride and things that I want to do. Before I met Bobby, I had things to do and places to go- but marrying him was my calling. However, I am in love with Bobby and grace and the Father’s love and goodness. I still have things to do, and now I have the biggest cheerleader who wants to do things with me. It may seem like I’ve given up on certain dreams, other callings or hopes, but I’m still me and I still dream and hope for the same things plus more. Marriage didn’t change my personality, but it is changing my heart and my desires. I can find rest and joy in this calling, and it feels so freeing.