stable

Let not this title mislead you- this isn’t a post about mental stability and how great I am and what an awesome life I have. Okay, I do have to admit I love my life and the peace that God has given me has been enough to bring me to tears lately, but I’m still me…love me or leave me.

Since I graduated college, I have NEVER had a stable job. I spent 1 year working at our church, about 7 months at a golf club, 1 year at Starbucks, 1 year at De La Salle, and now I’m in the middle of a year at Kate Bond. I’m kinda tired of moving around, but at the same time I crave change and new things. When I was thinking about 2011 and onto 2012, I felt a little relieved that 2012 might be the year of NO CHANGE. Literally. No major life change. Not like…

2008- graduate college, begin a new job
2009- begin dating Bobby, 3 different jobs
2010- another new job, engaged to Bobby
2011- marriage, 2 new jobs
2012- ??

No, we don’t plan on popping out a baby this year, despite my possibly too-detailed posts about baby making (not the doing, just the product. I’m not THAT open). Which means…I might actually have a year of no major life changes. No new job, no matter how difficult mine can be at times. Starbucks made me hate people and their $9 lattes, but my kids have restored my joy of people. I LOVE THEM. So I am okay with not loving every aspect of my job because, like I’ve said before, these kids need an advocate and somebody to hug them and tell them they’re funny and that I believe in them. My friend Sarah, also an ESL teacher in MCS, told me she tells her students how she believes in them. I make sure to repeat these words to my kids daily.

All that to say, there’s a lot of crap that I don’t want to deal with sometimes. But, there’s a lot of crap that I know God has given me to deal with, with Him. Bobby reminded me last night that I need to remember God placed me in specific places for a purpose. I can’t just run away. It’s time for me to grow up…be stable and invest deeply into this season of learning how to be a good teacher. Not for the sake of complacency or security, but stable in a radical type of way. A year of no change can allow me to invest where I am and cling to the Lord’s grace in the way I need to.

Stability freaks me out, but the Lord will guide my path, speak into me, be my reputation, be my confidence, uphold me, use me…and I can sense Him bringing me to a peace despite my fighting for my own way.

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