When people ask what’s new and what’s going on with me or with Bobby I never know exactly what to say. If you’re asking if anything external is new, then there’s nothing. We’re having a really fun summer, excited for an incredibly busy, travel-filled, wedding and baby birth kind of fall. If you’re asking what’s going on with my heart, there’s too much to say right then so I’ll probably get awkward since I don’t always know how to transition from casual to deep fast and easy.
But there HAS been so much going on in my heart the past few months that has given me a different type of hunger for the Lord. Awhile ago I was looking at my friend Sarah’s bookshelf and a book literally jumped out, saying “READ ME NOW.” I obeyed, and have been blown away by simple truths communicated from a very humble writer. It’s been so timely for when I fear we’ve turned into boring people that don’t do anything. I’ve always been heavily involved in some type of ministry work, but have taken many steps back once I realized the hamster-wheel effect I was suffering from. Good works don’t save me, NOR should they be what makes people like me. If you know me really well, I struggle a lot with people pleasing and wanting people to like me.It’s taken years of undoing to be okay with myself, apart from what ministry/good stuff I do, just me in all my quirky, awkward, and corny ways.
There’s so much talk about doing service work in certain places, reaching out to certain kinds of people and basically I get the feeling that people believe some work is just better than others. Bobby and I have felt over and over that God gave us our jobs for specific purposes, not just to make money, but to love on people, be intentional, and let the Lord teach us what He wants (not just what we want Him to teach us). We’ve sensed the Lord halting us whenever we try new endeavors, because we constantly hear Him telling us to dig deep where we are. While the outside is not glamorous or as seemingly ministry focused as other jobs or relationships, it’s not about what people think. We are both so grateful for our jobs, relationships, and life situation now, because we’ve had countless opportunities to share God’s love…in the ways He has clearly laid out for us. It’s not about what people think. Obedience and trust are our callings.
The book I’ve been reading is Ruthless Truth by Brennan Manning. Some of his words have brought me to huge sobbing tears in the mornings, knowing it’s okay to rest and trust Jesus when it doesn’t look as “radical” as I think it should.
“The way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, not into some predetermined, clearly deleneated plan for the future…The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future.”
“We are, each and every one of us, insignificant people whom God has called and graced to use in a significant way.”