well it’s been awhile

Two years ago I was about to get married- tomorrow is actually our 2nd anniversary. Considering I’m pretty private, anti-facebook posting and really most social media blasts other than instragram (since it’s way more private), it’s kind of surprising that I want to blog about this. But God has given me some words that I want to share, and could possibly encourage someone other than me.

I’ve said so many times that I didn’t plan on getting married at such a young age. I know to most people, 24 is not young to get married- BUT it is. For all you 20 something year olds out there complaining about being an old maid, give it about 50 years. God is in control. And honestly I feel that way about having kids. I do want to be a mom, I desire to have a family, but for some reason it has never been this DEEP DEEP DOWN desire that overwhelms me and drives every decision. Bobby and I talk about having 2 kids, tops. We talk about it in spurts, sometimes not at all.  We totally respect people who want large families, but we don’t feel that calling (at least now, who knows about the future).

But all of this reminds me of how I felt when I met Bobby and we began dating. I knew I liked him, and then I knew I loved him, but I was still not sold on the marriage thing. I spent about 4 months back in 2009 searching out reasons and wisdom from people I respected, praying a lot, and I read Sacred Marriage. The premise of the book was about our holiness more than our happiness. It totally clicked for me. Bobby and I talk a lot about having a marriage that brings people into the kingdom, that makes people love God more, and shows His grace and power. When I think about having a family, being a mom and having my own kids (not just kids I babysit or am an aunt to)- I question why. I’m the kind of person who needs to know why for doing anything, because if I feel I am being told what to do I will need to know WHY or else I will do the opposite. It’s in the cynical nature I inherited from my dad.

So lately, we have been praying a lot about having kids. Why would Bobby and I want to give up our time, our fun, our independence, our lives? Why would we want to do ANYthing that involves raising a kid when people complain about it all the time and tell us to wait as long as possible? In several instances, like when I was walking around Sea Isle Park, or in the drive through at Wendy’s with Bobby, the Lord spoke clearly to me about it. He gave me the whys: to advance to kingdom. To help make His name known. A way to reach out to people we otherwise might not be able to. To disciple and send out. Don’t worry, this is not a pregnancy announcement (because that will most likely never be announced on the internet!!)- but just an insight to where we are. We aren’t even trying right now, because we found it SO important to pray through the decision and to understand each our hearts. We love walking with our friends and family through their decisions, births, new homes, engagements, weddings, etc, and I want to be honest with how our process looks. We aren’t people who got married because it’s just what you do, we did because we intentionally wanted to seek out how our relationship can advance the kingdom. We won’t have a baby or adopt a child because it’s what married people do- it’s because we love Jesus, and if He calls us to something we will do it.

Now two years into our marriage, Bobby and I have been facing a lot of unexpected conversations, decisions, and evaluations. We coasted a lot our first year of marriage, fought more in our second, and are in this incredible season right now of intentionally working to serve the other. We’re far from perfect, but one thing in life I am SO thankful for is that I married a man who talks. Bobby will talk through anything with me. He never walks away, leaves, or gives up. He is the purest example of the gospel to me in his forgiveness of my unkind words, the way he serves me and searches for ways to make me happy, gives up his space, time and independence, and has graciously allowed me into his world. What is so crazy is how different we are- even my counselor said she was surprised we ended up together based on how different we are. But it excites me knowing that while we are crazy different with things we want to do in life, whatever happens will be an even greater testimony of God’ power, our ultimate goal in life.

Best of all, Bobby let me buy this little sucker that we are both in love with, Gonzalo (or Gonzie, the Gonze, Gonzo, Gonzer, etc.):

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